Actor, producer, director Danny Devito has said that he went on at least 99 auditions before he got his first yes.

99

I heard this years ago. The number may be wrong but I do recall the sentiment; He was sharing his story of perseverance in the cutthroat movie business that chews up new talent annually. I don’t know if his first roll was “One flew into….” (Google it if you care) but that is considered his breakout role. I remember watching that film later on and knowing no one else could have done it. And look where he took his career once he got the ball.

Those words stuck with me and now I would like to share another story that inspires me.

Meet Johnny Greaves

I heard a podcast interview of a popular Journeyman last week on BBC. For those who are not hip to UK slang, a Journeyman is a boxer that gets paid to have their ass kicked in. Think “fight club” meets “evil kneivel”. He can explain it better

So the podcast covered his new book Bright Lights and Dark Corners – The Johnny Greaves Story. He talks in depth about his career and shares great insight on his life as a professional loser. I usually avoid sappy, self help but there were no tears, no self deprecating humor to soothe the ego wounds. Just the flatfooted, knock-kneed truth.

He spoke about why he started working as a Journeyman in the first place (to feed his family) but goes on into the obvious uglies, both physical and mental.

So refreshing to me

Because all too often, I see people try to gloss over the hard parts with platitudes. No shade to positive thinking, it does have its place. But sometimes, you’re better off smelling the manure that grows your flowers. Don’t hold your breathe, don’t imagine it’s potpourri. Just smell some shit  and know you probably also smell like shit, so keep it moving. I love people that can keep it funky like that.

The interviewer asked about his struggles with drugs and alcohol. He admitted to this and explained it simply; he’s in a new city all the time, most times alone. All he had to think of was the upcoming brawl. And of course you can imagine what that must be like. Most beat downs are a surprise, this guy is paid to take it and all the funds in the world cannot speed up your body healing, fight after fight. So he drank and drugged to dull the anxiety

Woah

Been there, done that, and all I got was this lousy tshirt

I didn’t name this blog “40 yo nothing” for nothing. 1) It’s an ode to one of my fave authors, this commemorates me taking a bold step into writing full time and 2) it also captures this most bizarre point of my life and where I’m going next

I never set out to be a “failure”. I never imagined I would be “here”, with nothing and no one. I took a chance to leave the corporate world, traditional w2 work and its security behind. Of course, No one around me understood my logic. It stung a little, I thought I had a better support system.

I’m sure if my plan worked no one would question my risk. They would celebrate with me because they all “knew I could do it.” But since I’m now a homeless taxi driver chasing a dream, everyone is concerned. Family and friends all wondered out loud “what happened to her?”, they blamed drugs, alcohol, even mental illness to explain why I would withdraw from everything I knew and become obsessed with making my own. I wish they would just ask me. Because the answer is simple, I want more out of life

Instead, my ambition is glossed over as a pastime best left in the past. I am constantly asked, “when are you going back to school?”

Mr Greaves shared this grief, he spoke about being a joke to his family and friends too.

No one wants to attach themselves to perceived failure either, so it is a lonely, quiet fight for many of us.

“Shadowboxer…”

It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I understood cause and effect, and that I could in fact, change my outcomes by the virtue of my actions.

Mr Greaves also spoke of boxing defensively. I translated this from the ring to the real world and this is what “boxing defensively” means to me. Being aware of the world around me, what things are, how things work, where I fit in and how to increase my odds of success. Discipline, self control, being self aware but not self absorbed. This is studying the opponent to go for rounds, blow by blow without exhausting your life force.

Unfortunately for my loved ones, this leap into entrepreneurship is intentional. I’m my daddy’s child for real; I saw him work 2 jobs to go to the flea market and sell on weekends until he was able to open his own stores. Any scrapes I get along the way, fighting my hundred fights, I own. I’m just mid air in between my launch point and landing

Whether your fight is external, or you are fighting your lesser self, This is how your 100 becomes your training ground.

---

I really enjoyed Mr Greaves sharing his story, it confirms everything I’ve been living and learning the past ten years. So if you are fighting through your 100 fights and need a quick word of encouragement, Please give it a listen, I’m sure you will appreciate the conversation

( I am having trouble finding an embedded link for this post but have all the information you need to find the interview wherever you stream your podcasts.)

Here’s hoping for my future win

https://player.fm/series/not-by-the-playbook/driven